The Bachelorette, Episode 5: Ryan ain’t that bad and a Hood Rat Bachelorette

14 Jun

Holy cow I’m finally writing a blog! I haven’t done a Bachelorette blog the past couple week because  1) I got busy with life stuff, and 2) I had a lot of thoughts running through my head and wanted to give it a little bit of time before I came up with my stance on some of the guys. Obviously we have a couple of men on the show that have stood out (not for the best of reasons) and my position is one that you maybe haven’t heard much of. Hear me out on this one…

Two guys have made some comments that have definitely rubbed America wrong. Granted, they aren’t there for America, but still. It is a T.V. show and the public opinion will play a part. While they have both made questionable comments,I definitely see a difference between Kalon and Ryan. I’m going to take the chance of getting a lot of negative comments and defend Ryan.

From the very beginning we have known Ryan is someone who lives through his faith. I’m about to talk A LOT about faith and God so if you are someone who isn’t open to that or your don’t hold those same beliefs, you may just want to skip over this. I also want to say I have no idea if this is truly what Ryan is thinking and in no way do I mean to put words in his mouth. This is just how I am seeing things and think he mayyyyybe deserves a break.

Anyways, Ryan has said multiple things (quoting his preacher on the second episode, for instance) that have let us know he isn’t someone who takes this “journey” lightly and feels he is called for a higher purpose. Why the verbal diarrhea, then, you may ask? I’m pretty convinced Ryan has been completely worked over by producers and editing. We see it every season. Someone gets a bad edit. Sometimes they deserve it, sometimes it’s all crafted behind-the-scenes. In his case, I think it has been created behind-the-scenes with a little assistance from him. I will TOTALLY agree that he has said some things that let the manipulation and editing happen BUT I don’t think his words come from a bad place like most everyone is interpreting them to. Let’s break it down a little, starting with what America is hating about him.

1- Ryan is full of himself. I’ll kinda give you this one. The guy is his number one fan and has confidence we have never seen before on the show. If you asked him, I’m sure he’d admit that he thinks highly of himself. But his confidence isn’t something foreign to us and might be something we are guilty of, too. Look, I’ll be the first to tell you I’ll petition like heck that I’m a great catch and have qualities that make me a great person. Think of when you go into a job interview. It’s one of the most uncomfortable parts of an interview but you have to sell yourself. You have to brag and tell them why you are so amazing and better than anyone else. And that’s exactly what he’s doing in these interviews. PLUS, the commentary he is giving on himself isn’t just out of the blue. It’s prompted by questions and producers wanting him to explain why he is the best for Emily.

I bet many of us are not too far off from Ryan when it comes to self-confidence. The difference is that we have never seen it on this show and most of us keep that self-confidence on the DL. A lot of people will censor themselves when they walk through the mansion doors. I think Ryan is so trusting of producers and the show and has such a sense of trust in the journey that God is taking him on, that he doesn’t think twice. Not to mention, he is also an athlete (which usually equals a strong personality and a lot of confidence) AND he owns his own business which he has to sell all day, every day. The commentary he is giving about himself is something he is used to and accustomed to so he probably didn’t think twice about answering questions centered around his positive characteristics. Is his delivery the best in the world? Eh, I’m gonna say no. But the dude is honest. And I’d rather see someone be honest than full of lies.

2- Ryan is superficial. This idea of Ryan came about from either his comment about Emily being a trophy wife or her needing to work out. When it comes to the trophy wife comment, I think a lot of people missed his previous explanation of what a trophy wife is to him. He told Emily that in his mind a trophy wife is a woman who has the entire package. Looks, brains, caring nature, confidence. Someone that is the best she can be and makes him better for it. I think this all fell on deaf ears when he explained it to Emily…possibly because she is used to guys fawning over only her looks and when she hears “trophy” she thinks “game.” I don’t know about you ladies, but I want my husband to think I’m a trophy wife. I want my husband to show me off, be proud to be with me and think of me as a prize. Because, while love is not a game, I am a prize to be won. I won’t be with the man who simply strides up and shows me attention but rather with the man who puts in the work and shows me he deserves me and can hang with me. And, dang it, I want a trophy husband! A freakin’ hot, God-loving, caring, smart, funny, strong, trophy husband :).

The working out comment (while it may not have been the best way to bring up the topic) probably stems from his desire to want to be with someone who values being healthy, motivated and attractive to their significant other. Many didn’t catch that, as Emily was grilling him on loving her if she gets fat, he asked her if the weight gain would be because she got lazy. And in episode 4, when it came up again, she asked him what if she didn’t go to the gym and instead was getting a workout by chasing his kids around, to which he replied that would be totally attractive. And every time he brings it up he has a smile on his face and is laughing.  I’m sure most of it (while rooted in truth and honest feelings) is said in a joking way and to get her to lighten up. Ryan isn’t saying you better not get fat or I won’t love on you, he’s saying he wants to be with someone who has the same values he does when it comes to being healthy, motivated and wanting to look good for a partner. Um, I’m pretty sure if you asked anyone they would want the same things as him. He just has the courage to say it.

3- Ryan is on the show to be the next Bachelor.  I’m called for something bigger.” Some of you took this comment to mean he thinks he’s going to be the next Bachelor. I’m understanding it as him talking about being called for something bigger in the realm of life and with regards to his faith. I truly think Ryan is someone who believes his life is meant to serve God. I don’t think his focus is to find a wife at the end of this. I think his focus is to follow the calling he feels in his heart, be a good representation of the Lord and whatever he is supposed to have in life, he will be given. Which is another reason why I think he’s so confident. He trusts that the Lord will put him on the right path to be with Emily if he’s supposed to be with her and that it’s out of his hands. “I’m not here to impress you, I’m here to make an impression,” and “Isn’t it great when you can use a position like this?” Again, more comments I believe to be rooted in his faith. I think he is talking about making an impression in regards to who he is and the role faith has played in his life. I don’t think he’s meaning any harm or rudeness to Emily when he says he’s not there to impress her but rather meaning that he is who he is and his life has a greater purpose of sharing his faith and making that be his lasting impression. And he is also using the position of being on the show to relay his faith to others. “I know the media…I can go do Bachelor Augusta.” 1- we never see his face when he says this so we have no idea when this is really said or if that’s what’s said. 2- If you all think no other contestant has ever said they wouldn’t mind being the Bachelor or Bachelorette in the middle of trying to “win” the current show they’re on, you’re crazy. 3- If he really did say this, he’s saying this to Michael. A guy who is probably talking with him about feeling as if he’s going home. I can easily see Ryan pulling stuff out to try to cheer him up, talking about how this show isn’t the end of the world. We have seen (especially in this most recent episode) that Ryan has a joking nature. 4- WHO HONESTLY SAYS “I’M GOING TO DO BACHELOR AUGUSTA” and means it????? This is in no way shape or form meant to be taken seriously. I mean, c’mon guys. “I think if I were the Bachelor, it’d be a neat thing to see.”  Again, if you think contestants never talk about the possibility of being the lead while being a contestant, you are living in a dream world. Heck, we had girls pretty much petitioning to be on Bachelor Pad while still on my show. It happens. A lot. And I think he means it being neat as in the work he can do by being a Bachelor that isn’t afraid to profess his faith. Should Ryan have been more careful with what he said to producers? Absolutely. But these comments could have easily been pulled from him. Just because he is talking about being the Bachelor doesn’t mean he wants to be the Bachelor.

Lastly, there has been three examples that I could think of off the top of my head of Ryan chatting with and comforting other guys in the house: Tony, Michael and Doug. How is a guy that is supposedly self-centered, rude and arrogant, taking time to chat and comfort some guys? Why is it that no one is confronting him in front of everyone else and asking about his intentions to his face? I could be wrong, but have we heard anyone else say anything negative about his intentions other than Arie? And for the record, I think this whole Ryan vs Arie thing got blown out of proportion. When Ryan first talked to Emily about her kissing Arie, his beef was with her kissing him in front of everyone, not that she was kissing him in the first place. I think he had issue with that because in his mind it may cause him to question who she is. It’s one thing to kiss a bunch of guys, it’s another thing to kiss them in front of other guys you are trying to start a relationship with. Maybe it caused him to question Emily’s intentions…maybe this is where the whole “set an example” talk came from. In his eyes maybe that action caused him to really think about what she’s about. Again, I’m not meaning to put any words in Ryan’s mouth but, I have seen some things that I think conflict with how America is viewing him and just wanted to put a different light on the situation.

OK! Done with that…feel free to hate on me for stickin’ up for him but as someone who sees a lot of comments that trigger me thinking there is a strong faith-filled background, I’m defending him. On to episode 5!
First one-on-one goes to Sean. He seems genuinely excited to see her and I think Emily really likes him. While she may like him and he may like her, I can’t help but think they don’t mesh well because their kisses are SO awkward. Who kisses straight on, repeatedly?
I don’t know…maybe it’s just me but I think it looks a little weird. And another thing I may be on my own about was his little speakers corner bit. I think it’s one thing to profess your feelings or love for someone ONCE YOU HAVE LOVE TO TALK ABOUT. But seeing him up there made me feel really uncomfortable…kind of like how I feel watching people who have no honest friends audition for American Idol. Woof. I’m still waiting for him to show us something. Either we aren’t seeing the whole picture or he just hangs there. Like a Chloe handbag. Right, Jef?
Group date time and we get to see the guys make complete fools of themselves. Man dressed as a woman? Check. Man performing Shakespeare with a southern accent? Check. Man performing words he can barely pronounce in front of an audience? Triple check.
Kalon is taking this way too seriously.
Travis is doing exactly what everyone should be doing – having fun with it.
And Arie looks like he’s about to drop one.
He says this is his worst nightmare. I would think running his race car into a wall would be his worst nightmare but hey, what do I know?
And now the confrontation we all have been waiting for! Daddy Doug decides to rat out buck up and tell Emily about Kalon’s “baggage” comment. Em decides it’s time to go “all West Virginia hood rat backwoods on his a$$.” And you know how I know she means it? She takes off the jacket!
She had every right to go off on Kalon and respond the way she did but I really don’t agree with her getting upset about the other guys not saying anything. Personally, I think she has to go through all this on her own without guys ratting each other out. It was clear that Kalon wasn’t going far and captivating Emily’s heart so I wouldn’t have felt the need to come forward and say something if I was one of the guys. If there was a guy that was really getting her attention and he said something, maybe then they should step forward. But I don’t think it was fair of her to lay a guilt trip on the guys. The last thing I want to see is a line of guys waiting to talk to her at every rose ceremony with a list of things she should know just so they are in the clear if someone comes out as not being the best fit for her. And I’m pretty sure a guy did say something. Doug did. So why is she saying no one said something and no one deserves the rose? I’m confused.
After Emily cleaned house, it’s time for Jef to get his one-on-one date. Jef. Buddy. We need to talk. Emily wants babies. Lots and lots of babies. I’m concerned with your ability to give her that due to the tightness of your skinnies.
The two head off to have tea while an English woman interrupts every two seconds to correct their etiquette…the exact opposite of a romantic experience. Talk about getting the short end of the scone on this date.
Dessert in the London Eye is filled with Jef saying a lot of great things. When it comes to opening up and showing emotion, Jef hits it out of the park. While I see him as a great catch, something just isn’t clicking. I see a relationship between the two of them being easy or relaxed. But I don’t see any passion and I don’t hear the openness that he has for her, coming from Emily about him.

Jef can tell you 1 millllllllllion reasons why he should be with Emily. 
 Elimination time in London and everyone is going over the top. Ryan is re-enacting their Romeo and Juliet scene, sneaking in a real make out sesh. Ale ale jandro pulled out some mushrooms to show her what he can offer her back home (ok, maybe that didn’t happen but I have been hoping he would bring mushrooms into this from day 1 and he’s dropping the ball). Wolf even threw on his “business pants.”
Emily is on a witch hunt looking for someone who may be just like Kalon. The guys are feelin’ the heat but none like Arie. Maybe he’s taking it harder than the others because he had the opportunity to stand up and he didn’t or it could be because he’s one of the first to really fall for her and is so nervous about being sent home. I think his emotions are really growing and the last thing he wants to do is hurt her. So far I think it’s safe to say that Arie has pulled ahead of the pack and is running neck and neck with Sean. Sean managed to escape scrutiny because he wasn’t on the group date so it’s all roses for him. Emily is totally smitten but there’s just something that’s missing. Can’t put my finger on it but in my eyes Arie is the top dog.
Rose time and these guys are seriously freakin’ out! Arie’s all blotchy, lookin’ like he just got done with a crying session in the bathroom.
Ale ale jandro looks like someone just threw some poison on his mushroom farm. Wait, what kind of mushroom farmer is he? Poison on a “mushroom” farm may be a good thing. Poison on a mushroom farm would be bad.
Poor Ale ale jandro. Emily does not see a future on the farm with you and your mushrooms. Emily tells the guys they are headed to amazing Croatia. Guarantee none of them could point it out on a globe.
And then we get an amazing montage of the rest of the season…sans final rose ceremony. Boooo. But um…can someone explain the changes in Emily’s skin tone to me?
For the love of all things fabulous, will someone please lower the spray tan bottle before Em looks like this:

16 Responses to “The Bachelorette, Episode 5: Ryan ain’t that bad and a Hood Rat Bachelorette”

  1. maureen simiyu June 15, 2012 at 9:17 am #

    love the blog as always!!

  2. Team JEM June 15, 2012 at 12:59 pm #

    Emily looks so much better minus the false eyelashes & spray tan! When is showed her sniffling & crying she loked 45 but on the date with Sean she looked her age (no false eyelashes and less makeup) Frosted eyeshadow is not one of her better looks. Having said all this..Emily is naturally pretty so what is up with all the unnecessary enhancements!?
    Team Jef & Emily for sure!

    • msmarissamay June 15, 2012 at 2:53 pm #

      I totally agree! She is naturally gorgeous and I love it when she keeps it simple 🙂 Thank you for reading!

  3. Tamara Lyn June 15, 2012 at 8:29 pm #

    LOL on that last pic! Nice seeing someone stand up for Ryan, I like the guy and always look forward to what he has to say next. 🙂 As to the convo between he and Michael you couldn’t actually see him say those things, makes you wonder! I agree with you on Jef & Emily having no passion (at this point anyway) it’s all Arie and man can he kiss. Hope she picks him or maybe Sean. Great blog post!

    • msmarissamay June 15, 2012 at 9:22 pm #

      i’m glad to hear that others see what i see 🙂 thanks for reading!

  4. OCrazy June 18, 2012 at 7:47 pm #

    She was definitely sunburned in that second to last picture, it’s not fake tan. I think the sun in Curacao was a little to much for her skin! Speaking from experience here! 😀

  5. Marissa Jo June 19, 2012 at 7:06 pm #

    From one Marissa to another, I think you shed a great light on Ryan. It’s sad to see him go, but sometimes two people’s personalites just don’t match. Great blog…love reading your input!!

    • msmarissamay June 20, 2012 at 10:52 am #

      Thank you for reading and keeping an open mind about him!

  6. Grace June 23, 2012 at 2:09 pm #

    I love what you wrote about Ryan. I totally agree that he got a bad edit. I hope that he reads your bog and feels better that someone understood what he was trying to say. He was not the right guy for Emily but he wasn’t the jerk that they made him out to seem.
    I think Jef is slow to warm up because he probably is used to girls falling all over him and he just can’t handle having to try to get a girls attention along with a ton of other guys. It is just too much for him and he just couldn’t decide if he should stay or go until Emily takes him aside over and over to convince him that she is into him. Now that he knows that she wants him, he is having to play catch up. Hope it works but I am worried that they are too different for it to last.

    • msmarissamay June 24, 2012 at 1:58 pm #

      thanks for reading and being open to my thoughts on Ryan! Jef is definitely slow to warm up and I think that if we don’t see him “step up” soon, it may not be a good ending for him. Or maybe Emily sees that in him and knows that the slow relationship is what she wants? I’m excited to see what happens!

  7. Karen June 24, 2012 at 10:21 am #

    Finally someone that agrees with me about the Doug thing.. It’s like she had no regard for his feelings when he went to her as SOON as he found out about Kalon.. Either she is kinda loopy or editing screwed up because he def had her back!!

    • msmarissamay June 24, 2012 at 1:56 pm #

      I was definitely thrown off by her saying no one said anything! Maybe she was meaning that she was upset that it took as long as it did. I still think Doug should’ve gotten some credit for it!

  8. Larajane June 24, 2012 at 1:39 pm #

    Thanl you for finally interpreting Ryan correctly! He & his family have gone to church with us for years & I was greatly disappointed in the bad edit he got. I think you put into words exactly what I have been trying to explain to people!!’

    • msmarissamay June 24, 2012 at 1:55 pm #

      thank you for taking the time to read and comment! i know it means the world to Ryan to know that everyone isn’t playing into the edit and that many see his true intentions.

  9. Rachel Christine June 25, 2012 at 9:43 am #

    Ryan is just a different guy. I mean.. come on, everybody has different characters and personality. Everyone is unique. Obviously, Ryan is poorly saying some words that could have a negative impact on the relationship, but he is probably a unique guy with his own understanding of every words he said…and I think deep down inside he is a really good guy or a guy who wants to be good but still learning to be good. No matter how bad or good he is, I still admire that he is not arrogant by not acknowledging God in his life. In my opinion, somebody who is arrogant is somebody who never thinks of God, never prays to God and doesn’t acknowledge God’s presence, or even worse not having a faith belief. This guy Ryan seems to be better than some other guys in the real world who think themselves above everything, cocky, arrogant and never think that there is God above them. One good point about Ryan that still keeps me open minded with his sincerity and unique personality. I call it unique because everybody is unique and frankly speaking, in real world, there would be only some people who can accept our uniqueness and some others would talk trash about our uniqueness. Haters are gonna hate.

    Sometime in life, people perceive a friendship understanding differently as well as relationship values. I still hope Ryan can be the next bachelor and find the right woman. I am also rooting for Arie and Jef in this matter, but it’s up to Emily. She’s the one who’s gonna live her life with her chosen guy, not me.

    Do I think Ryan is ready for a relationship with Emily or a woman with a child? NO. Ryan, Joe, Alessandro and Kalon are one of the guys that are NOT ready yet for a relationship that involves woman’s child. They might be a good boyfriend or husband for some other relationship with other women, but not with Emily.

    DO I think he can find a great woman and settled down? YES, as long as he learnt from his lessons while being on this show and also not keep saying the unpleasant words that could have a negative meaning to some sensitive woman. I hope he can express his feelings in better ways and I am kinda believe that he can be a genuine lover and showing the best partner character to the right lady.

    I hope he can find one, especially a genuine and funny person who likes to be called as a trophy wife and loves to exercise and maintain her body image. I also think that he needs a lady who has the same faith belief as him and they can share the same understanding of faith and relationship values, which I think Ryan will find one someday if he keeps praying and believing in God’s calling and purpose for his life.

    I love your blog by the way.

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