The Bachelorette, Episode 1: Grannies, Grand Gestures and Goobers

16 May

The night finally arrived! I know many of you were dying to see Emily get her own show and were on pins and needles leading up to last night. But I was too busy relaxing in Mexico with 6 of my lovely girlfriends from my season of The Bachelor to worry about the premiere. Aren’t you jealous? 🙂

But of COURSE I was/am excited for Emily’s season. My recap of the first episode will be different than all others. This one is basically me analyzing the guys rather than recapping. Every guy pretty much landed in one of two categories. Heck yes or heck no. Let’s get the heck no’s out of the way so we can end this recap on a good note 🙂

Heck No’s (in no specific order)

Kalon aka Helicopter Guy

If it wasn’t your ridiculous intro video describing your past self as a womanizer that put you in this category, it definitely was your arrival by helicopter. And, I’m sorry if I don’t understand but you described yourself by saying you “used to be loud and obnoxious.” Used to be? So you’re saying arrival by chopper (“chopper style, chop, chop, chopper style”)ISN’T loud and obnoxious? Right…..


I don’t really want to put him in this category because the dude sounds like a really, really nice guy. But the second I saw him walking down the street with a dog the size of his iPhone I almost lost it. I mean, a dude with a dog is totally attractive to me. But not one that I could punt. MY dog is bigger than his dog. The only way he gets a pass is if he inherited this dog from his ill grandmother.


Again…sounds like a good dude but honestly I think the only reason Tony came on the show was to get the following amazing line from Em, ” I believe in love and fabulous shoes.” His shoe was not fabulous. And neither were his two thumbs.


Oh, Randy. Aye, aye, aye. Dressed as a grandma? Bless his heart…

Leprechaun Guy

First, it was the dancing with a boom box. Then it was the green shirt. And finally it was the blabbering that you did allll night lonnnnnng. The only reason I’m glad you are still around is so that you and helicopter dude can go at it.


Ok, I’m not putting HIM in this category (because I think he’s super sweet and really cute) but I am putting his egg act there. After rewatching the interaction I get what he was trying to say (just don’t ask me explain it). BUT if it took me (and America) multiple times of watching his introduction to get what he’s saying, there is NO WAY Emily got it.

Heck Yes’s (in no specific order)


I mean, what more do you need? Hot, works with kids, is athletic, has an adorable dog (that’s bigger than my dog). For me…game.over.


So, wow, my first impression was wrong based on his profile photo. Dude is hot! His eyes are gorgeous and has a totally down to earth personality. It’ll be interesting to see if his racing past ends up being a hurdle.


All I can think of when I hear his name is this:

Chawlie bit meeee. hahahaha! Charlie is super cute. Has an adorable dog (are you sensing a pattern here?). Plus, plus plus!


Ok, yes, I totally ripped him and his 80s hair in my first post. He gained a little more points when I saw the show profile him talking about all his great work his company does. And then he won me over with this:

I’m guessing this is the “bad boy” side of my brain kicking in. This move was hot. There is something about this rough around the edges, sweet natured guy that totally got me in his corner. I can’t explain it but I like him! Biggest surprise of the night for sure.


Nice moves, buddy. Breakin’ out the single dad angle. I like your style…although I have to question whether it was you or your son Austin that truly won the first impression rose.

Well, there you have it. My picks for best and worst of the evening. Did you guys catch some of the great lines Emily and the guys gave us?

Emily: “Put on your big girl panties and move on with it.”

Emily: To Alessandro after speaking in a foreign language : “Where ya from?” Alessandro: “Brazil.” Emily: “Well, I’m going to say ‘Gracias.'” Ahem, Em…they speak Portuguese in Brazil.


4 Responses to “The Bachelorette, Episode 1: Grannies, Grand Gestures and Goobers”

  1. Donna Taylor (@DonnaTaylor12) May 16, 2012 at 10:41 am #

    Aww, your back, love your recaps. Go Emily

  2. Gina May 16, 2012 at 11:37 am #

    I really see her picking Jef (skateboard guy) for some reason. He is young looking but so was Ricky H her first love. They both have that edgy persona. She said Jef had confidence and it made her feel like a nerd or something to that effect. I think he intrigues her! Arie also might be someone she’d go for but he doesn’t seem to be the father type. Jef H in his work videos seems comfortable around children.


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